life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
