I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
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You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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