At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
