Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
So many bounce houses so little time
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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