I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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