i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize