I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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