"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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