He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
