U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
