He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Randomize
