She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
