Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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