i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
