you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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