before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
