And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving