Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver