pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY