Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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