So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
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Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
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And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.