I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.