Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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