I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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