I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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