just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
