I think i sorta joined a cult last night
In America we eat man semen.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
