Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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