i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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