Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
