Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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