Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
