A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
