I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
