Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
