Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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