mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
