Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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