Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
