Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
don't judge my taste in strippers
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
