I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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