I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
