Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Randomize
