I puked a lego.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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