dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
