someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
