OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
