im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
