I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
