You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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