I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
