that's an acceptable place to lick
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
