also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
