Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
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