im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
