Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
