I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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