so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
