So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
