it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
he thought i was a dude.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
