I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
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I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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