Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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