My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
