I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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