I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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