if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Randomize
