i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
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