Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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