He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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