I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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