i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize