so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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